I’ve been joking with two different friends about every day being New Year’s Day. It’s not just that all my resolutions have gone nowhere — did I even make any resolutions? — it’s that 2018 is slipping away while I feel increasingly stuck, grinding my gears deeper and deeper into the mud.
The mud is obviously metaphoric, but I’m not even sure what it is. Depression? Maybe. Grief, sure. Lack of productivity leading to self-loathing leading to inertia leading to the dirty dishes piling up in the sink and a blue hair tie sitting in the middle of the floor day after day after day. Why don’t I just pick up the damn blue hair tie? I don’t know. It seems like too much work? It’s an interesting dash of color in the gray? It reminds me that I should brush my hair? Not that I do, I just think, “hmm, maybe I should brush my hair” and then I start browsing the internet again.
Today I picked up the blue hair tie. And I washed the dishes and put them away. And it’s a Monday and I’m going back to blogging on Monday and Thursday, regardless if I think I have anything to say, because it was good for me to have that structure in my life.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life, cliche as that statement is, and if it was the last day… well, I would want to know that I’d used it wisely. Which means not browsing the internet for hours, not reading books that I don’t care about, not playing mindless internet games, but yes, taking good walks with Zelda, yes, eating healthy food, and yes, writing some of my own words. And yes, making sure that my tiny house is comfortable and cozy and clean.
Time to get started.
Sunrise through the trees, from March of 2017. It’s a metaphor, I suppose.
I think you’ve turned the corner… healing hugs to you.
Thank you! I think it’s more of an up-and-down, two steps forward, one step back kind of thing — and February has historically always been a really hard month for me. But I do feel like I’m ready to make some forward movement! And healing hugs to you, too — I hope you’re feeling better!
Definitely sounds like you’re climbing out of a hole. Maybe you were hibernating.
I wish I could hibernate every February! That would be perfect. But I will start moving north next week and I think that’s going to help.
I like this idea of you going back to blogging on a regular basis. 🙂
🙂 I need to remember not to worry about boring other people. I’m writing for me and it’s good for me to check in with myself on a regular basis. But I hope I won’t be boring, too!