Very, very erratic internet here. I’m using my phone as a hotspot and even that is not so solid. So this may be a short post when my frustration level gets too high.
I’m at Goose Island State Park. It’s an interesting exercise in appreciation. I’m on the bayside loop and I have a beautiful view of water and boats outside my front window–but there’s a road and another line of campers between me and the water. If I had one of the sites on the other side of the road, there would be nothing in front of me but water.
Would anything in my life be different? Nope, I would still be camped in a beautiful place on a gorgeous day with dogs that I adore in a comfy little van… and yet I feel vaguely dissatisfied, wishing I was on the other side of the road.
I’ve been feeling very unsettled in general. Which is, of course, a perfect word, because although I mean it as a synonym for something like uncertain, I am literally not settled. Constant motion, constant change. It’s unsettling. My neighbor here has been on the road for four years and she used the word “rootless”–it’s a good word, too.
But I leave here tomorrow with no destination in mind, no campsite reserved. I may wind up spending the night in a Walmart parking lot, which will be good for me. It will remind me to appreciate campsites with water views, even when they have road views, too.
I imagine there will be times when you feel “rootless,” but you have choices in what you do with your life that others don’t have. One day, your journey will end, and you’ll have all of these wonderful memories. What a gift.
Yep! I definitely feel very fortunate to be on this adventure. Also aware, though, that I’ve made the choices that put me here and that many of them are choices that other people would not have made. And aware that life has trade-offs. It wouldn’t be an adventure if it wasn’t sometimes scary.
Kyla Bendt said:
My ‘roots’ sometimes feel like chains. Although I can understand how constant travel can be wearing in it’s own way too.
I think one of the things about traveling (and gaining lots of other sorts of experiences too) is that you get spoiled. Once you stay at some amazing places, all the others end up getting compared to those ones and then it’s harder to find happiness with the slightly less amazing ones. I find that in a lot of areas in my life, even with my relationships. I can think back on my exes and they’re bound to have something that I really liked about them that my current relationship doesn’t have (even if the overall picture wasn’t better).
When I look back on my life, I’ve been to some amazing places, stayed at some great motels, eaten at some great restaurants, done some awesome stuff, been with amazing people and sometimes I feel like my past is pretty darn hard to measure up to now. Of course, I’m sure there’s lots more amazing stuff to come. 🙂
Yes! I’m trying very hard not to make comparisons. I actually wrote a much longer blog post but didn’t post it because I wasn’t explaining myself well, about the search for happiness and how searching and happiness are mutually exclusive states. You can’t be happy when you’re looking for something because the act of looking is not a happy state. I am very happy most of the time these days, but I slip into comparatives — like I really wish I could walk on the beach at Matagorda instead of the Stinky Beach here — and that’s destructive. I want to just appreciate where I am without contrasting it with other places. It’s not always easy to do, though. And I expect that your life is going to have lots and lots more amazing places!
Judy, Judy, Judy said:
Since 2003 I’ve been living in the same house. Very settled. And yet there are times I feel very unsettled, restless, discontented. For me I don’t think that feeling has anything to do with ‘place’. In fact I can rarely put my finger on why. I have learned to comfort myself by remembering the feeling is harmless and will pass.
That’s a very healthy way to deal with unpleasant feelings! I think I’m trying to push farther out of my comfort zone and that’s why I’m feeling so unsettled. I don’t think it’s bad for me to feel this way — I just need to acknowledge the anxiety and keep going. And also maybe find a campground where I relax enough to really sleep. I’m starting to feel seriously overtired.