So…I will not win the lottery, because, let’s face it, no one you know ever does. And at this moment in time, supposedly 130,000 people are buying a ticket every single minute (that stat courtesy of the WSJ) so the chances are insanely small. I suppose they always were, even before people went insane. It’s not as if the mathematical odds change at all based on the number of people going crazy. Not the point, however.
After I picked up the kid from school today, we were talking about what we would do with our lottery winnings while on the way to the grocery store. For me, that mostly included paying for people to go to college. Many, many people. My nieces and nephews. My cousins once removed. My step-grand-niece. It just seems like the thing to do with a lot of money.
On the way home from the store, I said, “Let’s pay for Cheyne to go to college, too.” The kid said, “Um, why?” I said, “Why not? If I’ve won the lottery, then all your friends can win the lottery, too. We’ll pay for everyone to go to college.” The kid said, “Let’s buy a ticket.”
And so we actually bought a ticket.
Most of the time, I am perfectly capable of enjoying the lottery without wasting money on it. The money is just to buy a couple hours of dreaming, imo, it’s not like you’ll ever win.
But that said, buying a ticket meant that I really needed to get my money’s worth from my $2 so tonight was much lottery dreaming.
Twenty minutes ago, the kid came into my room to say goodnight and I told him of my new lottery plan. Okay, there’s the $200 million to college tuition for random people, but also, wouldn’t it be insanely fun to pick people and give them $1 million dollars where they get to keep $100K but then give away $900,000? It could be like a reality television show.
He frowned, skeptical, and I tried harder to persuade him. No, seriously, I said, we’ll give Wil Wheaton a million dollars and he’ll give $900,000 to the Pasadena Animal Shelter and we’ll get to go visit. What cooler way could there be to spend a million dollars? We’d have so much fun.
He stayed skeptical. I tried harder. Nathan Fillion, I offered. We’ll give him a million dollars, and see what charities he likes. Felicia Day. She’ll probably go for something musical. Jenny Lawson. She’d go for mental health, I bet. The Vlog brothers. They’d definitely have fun with a million dollars to give away.
(I can think of others, too. Patrick Rothfuss would be on my list — he’d give the money to Heifer International and that’s pretty much the best destination I can think of.)
Finally, R nodded. Okay, he agreed, to my imaginary disbursement of millions of dollars that we don’t have. That sounds good. But can we give money to Hyperbole and a Half first? I’d really like to know that she’s okay.
Holy shit, do I love him.
I would also really like to know that the creator of “All the Things” is okay.
And if we win many millions of dollars tonight (which we won’t, because buying lottery tickets is really just throwing money away) that will be the very first thing we do.
That is so sweet. He wants to make sure Hyperbole and a Half is okay. He deserves to win the lottery and you deserve to also just for raising him.When I win I'll give you two a million to split, okay?
Awesome! If I'd won, I would have put you on my list of people to get a million, too. It would have been very fun. But it was fun to imagine it, too, so I feel like I got my money's worth.