Yesterday, Suzanne and I were sitting in our rocking chairs, looking out at the abundantly glorious garden, eating a truly delicious dinner*, when Suzanne said, thoughtfully, “I think it’s going to be aliens next.”**
I glanced in her direction and she clarified, “Big spaceships, hovering over major cities. Or maybe an asteroid.”
I chuckled, as seemed appropriate, and then said, also thoughtfully (although nowhere near this coherently), “You know, stories — fiction, non-fiction — always take place in the center of the action. There’s never a story where the protagonists are sitting on the sidelines, watching in dismay, with nothing much to do, except…” I shook my head and shrugged. “…appreciate their rocking chairs, I guess?”
Humboldt County, where we are located, has had three deaths from Covid, at least two of which were at a nursing home. You can buy toilet paper in stores, and also meat, although prices are going up. And to the best of my knowledge, the police aren’t murdering people, or spraying tear gas on peaceful protestors so our elected officials can stage photo ops.
The other day I wrote to my aunt and said, “I feel so torn these days between the choices of living in contented oblivion or informed misery. It feels like there is some inherent virtue in informed misery, like knowing the terrible things going on in the world is bearing witness and that bearing witness is an action. But really it’s just passively sitting around being depressed. Bearing witness is a useless action (unless, of course, one is physically present while the cops are killing people with a camera phone running).”
I am very grateful that I have not been physically present while the police are killing people. I’m hoping to continue to avoid that. But I am firmly on the side of this Facebook post:
I’ve got two books on hold at the library: White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
* Dinner was so good that when contemplating two delicious dessert choices — ice cream or GF ginger cookies — I wished I could have seconds of our meal instead. So for future reference: In a cast iron frying pan, I sautéed an onion in a little butter, then added chopped up chicken apple sausage. I cooked it for long enough that everything was thoroughly browned and the pan needed deglazing, meanwhile also cooking GF pasta. I removed the onions and sausages, deglazed the pan with a little red wine, added halved cherry tomatoes and a generous dash of chili garlic sauce, sautéed them briefly until the tomatoes were softened but still cohesive, returned the onion and sausage to the pan, added the pasta, a generous scoop of goat cheese, & some finely chopped fresh parsley and cilantro, then mixed it all until the goat cheese was entirely melted into the pasta.
**I’m not quoting word for word, because my memory is not that perfect.
Edited to add: Actually, we could delete the word “innocent” from that graphic, too. I think the police should stop killing people entirely, innocent or not.
My feelings exactly — except I didn’t know what books to look for, AND, our library isn’t open yet. Have to go write a post on this one… thank you!
I hope your library has them. You should check out Libby, the library ebook app, when you get a chance. It’s a great way to get books at your convenience!
It is tough knowing whether to be content and disengaged or anxious and bombarded by the endless onslaught of calamity. Maybe a little of both is needed. I am not fond of the sideline hurling of insults from all sides that isn’t meant to do anything to change things except to enflame the conflict. Ugh. It’s exhausting AND pointless. Please, enjoy your solace and dinner… the shit-storm will still be here when you choose to lend your voice to the cause(s).
I think a little of both is probably best. I do try to avoid the hurling of insults, though. Although that said, I have, within the past year, felt compelled to tell family members that they were being racist and that was certainly taken as an insult. And maybe it was pointless, but I had to do it for my own sanity.
Goat cheese? Yay for you.
Informed, empathetic distance. Helping with money and helping with time.
I’m not good at standing holding a sign, but ask me to cook for the sign holders or sweep or file or pick up trash and I’m there.
Oh, and I read White Fragility.
Very i twresting and well thought out. About twice as long as it needed to be. As though she was stretching a hefty New Yorker article into a book.
I also recommend So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. An informed discussion of systemic racism.
And, of course, Ta-Nehisi Coates’ 2014 Atlantic article The Case for Reparations, which is could also be titled A History of Applied Racism.
It would be nice if there was some obvious job to do, wouldn’t it? We were talking about the end of the world (aliens) and Suzanne said she’d probably just keep delivering the mail for as long as she could, and I shrugged and said, I’ll probably just keep cooking you dinner, for as long as I can. Providing healthy food for an essential worker may not be much but it’s what I can do.
Sarah – don’t know if you know this but I replied to your comment on Crusie’ Good Book Thursday blogpost. My reply was about Cici being part of the SFWA Fantastic Beasts Bundles. My reply suggested people go to your blogpost and read about it.
Jenny replied with congratulations. Another reader replied they had read Cici and loved it.
On today’s Saturday blogpost commenter Sure Thing congratulates you though she doesn’t expound on why.
Hope this drives some attention to your work!
Funny thing is Jenny’s blogpost in between is along the lines of this one you wrote. Not knowing what to do but wanting to do do something.
Aw, thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I read her blog and sometimes comment, but I don’t usually read all the way through the comment threads. But yeah, I think a lot of people feel that way right now.