The dogs are at the vet.
I’m trying to tell myself that it’s a spa day for them. They’re getting their nails done, their teeth cleaned, and lovely people will be telling them they’re good dogs in crooning voices all day long.
It’s not working. They’re going under general anesthesia and I have this feeling like something heavy is sitting on my chest, shutting down my lungs. My nose prickles like I want to sneeze, but I know what I really want is to cry.
On the form I filled out, there was a question — would you like your pet to be given anti-anxiety medication? Why yes, yes, I would. And could I have some myself, please?
The problem with anxiety is that it feels so much like premonitions. My head knows that the dogs are going to be fine, but my body is sending me all sorts of messages of danger, and they’re hard to ignore. I was doing okay until the vet called. Interestingly, I didn’t breathe until he told me he was calling about Bartleby and then my breath left my body in an explosive huff. It’s not a surprise that I’m more worried about Zelda than I am about B — he’s a loved pet but she’s an adored angel, one who’s ten years old in 11 days. But that moment of panic, that fear that he might have some bad news about Z, it hasn’t left me yet. The chemicals are still churning their way through my system.
Yoga in half an hour. I hope it’ll settle me down enough to get something done today. Well, something beyond the hyperactive dusting, dishwasher-unloading, breakfast-making, cleaning-out-of-cupboards that I’ve been engaged in since the vet’s phone call. I could almost wish I had some laundry to fold, but maybe I’ll clean out some drawers while I wait to leave for yoga. Ooh, or kill some monsters in WoW. I’m trying not to play until after I’ve written but I know I’m not going to write in the next twenty minutes. And killing monsters is always soothing.
I empathize. Deep breaths, my friend. This too shall pass.
Yoga helped! We did a thing at the end that I’ve never done before, these sort of repetitive hand motions for emotional balance. You cross, stretch, cup, reach, skim, triangle, receive, pull back, press and then start over again, breathing steadily all the while. It’s faster than most of the yoga I do and it was lovely. The focus on “which comes next?” with the really simple and easy movements totally took me out of my own head. I’m feeling a lot calmer. Plus, I had a really good writing idea which helped a ton!
Heavens, I sympathize. My anxiety goes through the roof on things like G.A. and my fur children, especially since the last time for a dental for my Sunny Lady Dachs resulted in a cancer diagnosis and we lost her six weeks later. Mind you, she was 14 years, 7 months and 16 days when she left us, but the cancer just bloomed out of nowhere since she’d had a clean bill of health the month before, and I can’t help blame the dental, even though I know it’s irrational. One can reduce the number of dentals needed by feeding a proper raw diet. (BTW, her litter brother, Shadow, is now 16 years and 10 months, and yes, I count every day he’s with us, as he is my Big Guy.) Glad the yoga helped. I like tai chi, myself. Hope your writing idea pans out in many, many excellent words.
The vet called around 1 and said he didn’t like what Zelda’s heart was doing under anesthesia and while he’d like to get some x-rays of her teeth, he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to keep her under any longer. The total end of productivity for the day. I paced, instead. She’s curled up next to me now, though, seemingly totally recovered from her yesterday and the vet tech said she was wonderfully well-behaved, so all is well now.
Yes, I can understand the end of creativity for THAT day! Just as a data point, I do not know how much Zelda weighs, but I highly recommend two human supplements which are good for the heart — L-Taurine and CoEnzyme Q10. Mr. Shadow is 34 pounds and currently gets 500 mg of taurine for his mid morning cheese bite and 100 mg of CoQ10, and in the evening, gets a pet-combination of l. taurine and l. carnitine (both 250 mg) and another 100 mg of CoQ10. CoQ10 is also good for the teeth and gums. I am very, very glad that she is home and recovered!