I gluten-ed myself on Saturday.
Ugh.
I ordered Korean sweet potato noodles with vegetables, including shiitake mushrooms, from an Asian place, as well as a poke bowl for later. I took a couple bites of the sweet potato noodles, then looked at the menu again. The description listed the ingredients, but it didn’t list oyster sauce. But I was tasting oyster sauce. At least I thought I was.
I sighed, then shrugged. Too late, anyway, so I might as well enjoy the noodles, right?
NO! Wrong!! Bad, bad, bad idea!
I am so good at avoiding gluten that I’ve become complacent about my reaction. So in a couple of days, I’ll be sick for a couple of days, so what, right?
NO! Wrong!! Bad, bad, bad idea!
I’d had a sneaking suspicion for a while that my gluten reaction might have evolved. Some people eliminate gluten from their diet and later discover that a break from gluten was enough to let their bodies recover and they can begin eating it again in moderation. Other people eliminate gluten and their bodies say, “Whew, now we know that stuff is poison,” and the reaction gets bigger and stronger. I am in the latter camp. Which means no more waiting around two days to develop a flu-like set of symptoms (an immune system response) that include fever, sore throat, aching muscles and fatigue. Nope, I’m classic celiacs now, which means very soon after eating gluten, my body is doing its best to eliminate all traces of that poison.
The worst part — well, no, not the worst part, because that is definitely the physical symptoms. But an unpleasant part is the emotional response of feeling stupid and incompetent and sorry for myself.
In this case, in particular, the “sorry for myself” was irksome to me. Because I’m actually incredibly lucky and somewhat surprised by how many gluten-free options are available to me here. And not the kind of gluten-free options that I would have expected, which is the, “well, those are corn tortillas, so it’s probably fine, I guess I’ll take my chances,” option.
No, Costa Rica — or at least, San Jose — has a veritable plethora of gluten-free restaurants and choices. A mile away from the dentist’s office is a place called CeliHouse: a dedicated GF bakery and pizza place. About five miles to the north of the hotel is Cafeteria Rita 3 GF, also dedicated GF. Four miles to the NE, Ambroxia7, also dedicated GF. Now, it’s a little true that all those places look like the burgers & pizza kind of GF, which is not my favorite type of food, but the place I ordered from on my first day here, Raw To Go, with the spicy poke bowl and the papaya salad, is also mostly or perhaps completely gluten-free. At the very least, they clearly label some of their options as GF.
My problem is that it’s so much more fun to look for variety. Well, and also that labeling something gluten-free doubles the price, I think. My sweet potato noodles were actually a reasonably inexpensive Korean dish that I’d never heard of before, japchae, and I wanted to try something new. I did, it was a mistake. Oops.
Did I learn my lesson? Probably, at least for today.
And I did eat breakfast today, so I’m feeling enough better that I’m not going to spend anymore time moping about the miseries of life with an over-active immune system. Instead, I’m going to count my blessings.
Blessing #1:
A beautiful sunrise.
Blessing #2: Raw to Go has gluten-free brownies! As soon as my stomach promises to behave itself (not quite yet, it’s pretty unhappy about that breakfast I ate), I will be giving one a try.
Why is it so hard to learn lessons about food? I don’t know but it is hard. My daughter has loved spicy hot foods all her life. Now she has liver disease & 2 or 3 bites in & she is in agony. But she is always thinking – my stomach doesn’t feel bad so maybe today it would be okay. Inevitably it is not.
& Myself – I know when 1 or 2 bites is going to push me over the edge into that uncomfortable too full feeling but if I’m really enjoying something & there’s just a few bites left on the plate – it’s hard not to eat them.
Food – argh!
And food, yum! Our brains are biologically programmed to keep going, I think, because evolutionarily, turning down food was probably always a bad idea. Our minds might know better, but the biological brain has a tough time resisting calories. I might have to run a deliberate gluten test, though, just to see whether my problem really was gluten or whether it was something else. Because it was an awfully strong reaction to what might have been, at most, a tablespoon of oyster sauce. Quite reluctant to run that experiment, though!
As for your Kindness method issue, I had a similar problem one time. Do you meditate? Because that was how I had my breakthrough. It was actually a profoundly moving experience. Curiosity and imagination were the words that popped into my head when I listened for insight. I also would have said that I wasn’t someone who disliked myself, but I just had a really hard time seeing myself properly, I think. If that makes sense. I stopped looking for things I liked about myself and started listening for things I liked and it was… yeah, very moving. One of the most spiritual experiences of my life, actually!
Also – you responded to my last comment with an idea that you might start keeping a journal with compliments people have given you. Great idea. I am working through the Kindness Method & I am stopped – literally stopped – at a step where I am supposed to make a “map” of all my good qualities but I just can’t feel good enough about myself to do it. I think about tackling it & just – no.
I am not a person who dislikes or hates myself. This is ridiculous.
But even contemplating the journal thing – my mind goes – what if nobody compliments me. Geez.