Self-realizations

We think we know ourselves.

We’re smart, self-aware, articulate people. (I’m assuming. But you know, you’ve got an internet connection and you’re reading my blog, you probably are smart, self-aware, and articulate. And you probably think you know yourself, too.) And then something happens that skews your whole world view sideways.

My kid made me watch the first episode of Hannibal when he was visiting at the beginning of April.

Oh, wait, no, that’s not what happened. My kid raved about Hannibal and said, every time, “You can’t watch it.”

I said, “Come off it, I want to watch, you love it, let me share your interests.” This is what moms of teenage boys say. Or think, anyway, even if they don’t say the words aloud.

He… well, if he was from another era, he would have thrown his hands up as he said, “Fine, on your head be it,” but he let me watch the first episode of Hannibal with him.

Twenty minutes in, I was hyperventilating. When the episode was over, he said, “What do you think?”

And I said, “It was awesome. What were you THINKING letting me watch that? Oh my God, that’s going to haunt me forever. Are you evil? Are you insane? How could you think that was okay? He TOUCHED him.”

I’m never going to watch another episode of Hannibal. One was enough. Also, it’s a brilliant television show and if you don’t have touch issues, you should probably watch it.

(If you haven’t seen the show, there’s a scene early on in the first episode in which the FBI guy–not, note the villain–violates the hero, Will’s, space repeatedly in minor ways. It made my skin crawl. I am pretty sure after the third time that FBI guy touched Will I actually got up and walked out of the room briefly because it was so unbearable.)

Unrelated, on an earlier occasion, C (hi, C!) told me that I was sensitive and I scoffed. I’m not sensitive, I’m tough. She pointed out that I will not watch television shows on which characters that I care about might get hurt and that that’s pretty much every television show ever. I… well, acquiesced. Yep. I don’t watch a lot of television. If there’s a character I like, I don’t want to watch him or her suffer. If there’s no character I like, why would I bother? If there’s no suffering–well, then there’s no story, so what’s the point? Resolution: read books, where things happen at the pace that I can tolerate.

All of this random rambling brings us to tonight. Today is the day of my first ever Bookbub ad. A Gift of Ghosts was, last I checked, at number 8 on the free Kindle bestseller list, the highest it has ever been. (Go, Bookbub, go.) I want nothing more than to keep clicking refresh on my Amazon page all night long, hoping I can catch it moving higher. But since that would be slightly insane of me and seriously boring, I decided to watch television instead.

I’m exactly the wimp that C and R think I am. As I skim through the shows, one after another, an entire universe of television, I realize that in this mood, there’s only one show that could possibly work: Love Boat. I want to see Love Boat. HEAs, all around.

My universe has kaleidoscoped and I’ve realized that I really am insane. Was Love Boat as bad as I remember it being? And/or as sweet? Because, honestly, that’s what I want to watch. Maybe I should hunt down some Harlequin romances to be the icing on the cake.

PS: Found an old Harlequin romance online, one that I read back when I was fourteen or fifteen. It took me approximately forty-five minutes to read and I feel sorta like I just ate a whole bag of M&Ms. Sugar overload.

6 thoughts on “Self-realizations

  1. 3xjudy says:

    lol I used to read those Harlequins under the covers with a flashlight. I think I outgrew them when I was 13 or so.
    Television is hard for me, too. Take Castle. Won’t spoiler but the ending of the season finale – why? Why would they do that?

  2. Sheila says:

    I read “A Gift of Ghosts” because it was free. Then I went back to Amazon, and bought the other 2 and the short for my Kindle. So it paid off to give away one. Thoroughly enjoyed them. When is the next Tassamara book?

    • sarahwynde says:

      Thank you so much! The next book I have coming out is not a Tassamara book–it’s called A Lonely Magic and will release sometime in July. My next Tassamara project will mostly likely be a novella-length story called Ghosts of Belize and it’s about Akira and Zane on their honeymoon. I’m not sure when I’ll finish it but I’d definitely like to have it out by September. After that, it’ll be A Gift of Grace and that probably won’t be until sometime in 2015. I’m not a super-fast writer–at my absolute best, it takes me several months to write a book and I may wind up writing the sequel to A Lonely Magic before Grace’s book. Or I might be going to write a series of short stories about Maggie and Max. I was sort of thinking their relationship might be fun to explore that way–not a serial, each story would stand alone, but glimpses of them through the years. So many ideas, so little time!

  3. Stephenie Smith says:

    I, like Sheila above, also got “A Gift of Ghosts” and returned to Barnes and Noble and purchased the rest of this series. Your books also brought me to your blog. The self-realization that I am too emphatic to watch others suffer or be humiliated keeps me from watching most movies or television shows. I just do not understand why people think it is okay to hurt someone else, physically or emotionally and find it humorous on television.

    I love your ideas on the stories of Tassamara that you are working on…can not wait to read them. I do not know if you have time to check out other blogs, but I have a craft blog if you like that kind of thing. I am either reading or crafting or thinking of one of them when I am not working. It is http://www.sscrafter.blogspot.com. I have not posted lately, the end of school has me exhausted right now, but I am working on some projects I hope to have posted in the next 2 weeks. Thank you for continuing to pursue your writing, you have a great talent and I truly enjoy reading your books!

    • sarahwynde says:

      Thank you so much! I’m afraid I’m pretty close to being the least crafty person in the world–I’m the kind of person who glues her fingers together–but we’re on the same page when it comes to television. Have you heard of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking? She writes quite a bit about the science behind “high-reactive” people. It was very validating!

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