I sort of anticipated that tomorrow would be bad, but today. . . today has been not good. Unexpectedly not good. After about my fourth cry, I finally went outside and swam despite the weather (what’s a little rain when you’re in a swimming pool, right? it’s just the lightning you’ve got to watch out for) and finally managed to get away from my relentless brain. And then getting out of the pool, I thought, “damn, I’m just so sad, I really need to call Mom, she always…” and then there I was again.

There ought to be a word other than “anniversary.” Anniversary sounds too positive, too festive. Anniversaries are for celebrations. But I can’t figure out what the word would be.