Both days of this weekend came perilously close to being the first day of 2016 on which I didn’t do any writing at all. But I eked out a couple of sentences both evenings, so my streak is not technically broken.
I say technically because I’m sort of dubious about yesterday’s words. On Saturday, I knew the words were incoherent and probably not going to last, but that’s okay, because it’s a first draft and incoherent words can get fixed. It’s much tougher to fix no words than it is to fix bad words. Yesterday, though, I was so utterly blank that I couldn’t come up with anything. Close to three hours spent flipping in and out of the file and my mind stayed stubbornly empty. I finally decided that I’d just write part of something that might happen later, so I switched PoV’s and wrote a couple paragraphs of Grace thinking. I know those words won’t get used. They don’t fit anything that should be going on now.
I’m not sure why I’m so stuck. Apart from the distractions of life, of course. Usually this level of stuck would mean that I took a wrong turn somewhere, that I’ve headed down a dead end. But this is where I wanted to be. I may have to go back and re-read the whole thing — so, so, so dangerous — to see where I should go. But yes, I am afraid to do that because so often that drives me back to starting over and I am just not going to do that again. I’ve got 57K good words. Another 20K and I have a book. But at the moment, it sure doesn’t feel like a book to me. *sigh.
Today’s plan: well, R is home for the one full day that he will be here on his spring break. So really, I’m going to be kind to myself. I’m not going to stress about getting lots of writing done or cleaning or organizing or anything. I’m going to try to enjoy his company. I’ll lose another day this week when I take him back to Sarasota, but I’m going to not worry about that either. Out of the two years that I’ve spent working on this book, another two days is not going to make a difference. But I do hope that I can figure out where I’ve gone wrong and what to do about it. I have the annoying feeling right now that as I was falling asleep last night I had an idea and it’s not coming back to me, but maybe that’s an illusion, anyway. Ideas when falling asleep often seem great but that doesn’t mean they are.